self-esteem
What exactly is self-esteem? It is the positive or negative evaluation of oneself. It is important because it has been shown to be associated with positive outcomes, such as academic achievement, satisfaction with relationships, happiness, lower rates of criminal behaviour and a positive outlook of the world. The benefits include improved mental and physical health and greater resilience to be able to manage life’s ups and downs. However, like most things in life there is also the downside. Low self-esteem can result in anxiety, loneliness, negative self-image and increased vulnerability to substance abuse. People with low self-esteem also tend to be critical of themselves. Sometimes people refer to self-esteem as self-worth or self-respect.
Abraham Maslow, an American Psychologist who developed the hierarchy of human needs, describes esteem as the need for respect from others. This can take many forms such as recognition, success and admiration. He also saw the need for self-respect in the form of self-love, self-confidence, skill, or aptitude. According to Maslow, without the fulfilment of the self-esteem need, individuals will be driven to seek it and unable to grow and obtain self-actualisation.
Experiences in a person's life, like personal experiences such as stress, social interactions and cultural influences are a major source of how self-esteem develops. Sometimes it is what happens to us at childhood that can be all-important in developing self-esteem.
The good news is that it is possible to improve your self-esteem at any age. These are some examples:
· Identify and Challenge your Negative Beliefs.
Your values become your beliefs
Your beliefs become your thoughts
Your thoughts become your words
Your words become your actions
Your actions become your habits
Your habits become your destiny
· Highlight the Positives about Yourself
It is a good idea to write down the positive things about yourself rather than focusing on the negatives. We all have some areas for self-improvement. Tackle them one by one. Positive self-talk is a great starting point.
Negative internal messages and thoughts are among the biggest contributors to anxiety. The goal is to replace the negative self-talk with more positive messages. While this may not seem like it can work, over time and with repetition one can develop a new habit of thinking positive thoughts and expect a more positive outcome. It’s this connection between the words and the belief that is the ultimate goal.
It is very important for all of us to learn to re-structure our thoughts whenever a negative one creeps into our mind. If you have negative thoughts, you will feel negatively emotionally and consequently your actions will suffer. If you can replace the negative with positives the opposite will be true, leading to positive outcomes. Choose words that inspire you, motivate you, and make you laugh or boost your mood.
· Build Positive Relationships
If there are people who make you feel bad about yourself, avoid them. The negative energy will drag you down to their level. The people you spend time with can influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself. Pay attention to how others make you feel. If you feel bad about yourself after meeting with someone be prepared to move on for good.
Surround yourself with people who love you for what you are, who unconditionally accept you for who you are and want the best for you. Seek out those who are positive and can help build your confidence.
· Reward Yourself
No matter how small, reward yourself when you have achieved something or met a specific target that you have set for yourself. It may be just a cup of coffee. So chill out and be nice to yourself. Take small regular breaks whenever possible.
· Become more Assertive
Learn to say “No” in a nice positive way. Don’t become over-burdened as this can be a major source of stress. Too much cortisol circulating around your body is not good and can lead to many different diseases. Don’t be a people-pleaser but help others when possible.
Developing your assertiveness can help to improve your self-esteem.
· Physical Health
It is much easier to feel good about ourselves when we are fit and healthy.
Sometimes, people with low self-esteem neglect themselves. It may be that they feel that they do not deserve to be looked after.
The basics are taking more exercise, eating well, and getting good quality sleep.
· Challenge Yourself
People with low self-esteem often avoid challenging and difficult situations.
One way to improve your self-esteem can actually be to take on a challenge. Don’t be afraid of failure. It is just a success delayed. It is all part of the learning cycle. By succeeding, you show yourself that you can achieve.
If you would like to explore any of these areas we would be delighted to work with you. Please contact us at www.holisticcounsellingireland.com.
